Ten Secrets You CAN Keep From Your Mate

Last week I blogged about five secrets you should NOT keep from your mate. This week it's the opposite side of the coin—ten secrets you CAN keep from your mate.

You usually think of keeping secrets from your mate as things that can come back to bite you in the ass, so to speak. Today's headlines about people in the spotlight and their no longer secret activities certainly attest to that. But like most rules, there are exceptions. Here's a list I read recently of ten secrets that might be best kept to yourself rather than shared with your mate.

1) The sacrifices you've made: This includes things like skipping dinner with friends to attend your mate's office party. Or, to take a page from O. Henry's The Gift Of The Magi, selling one of your possessions so you can afford to buy something special for your mate as a birthday present. Don't spoil your good deed by acting like a martyr and making sure your mate knows of your sacrifice. It should come from your heart, not from your ego.

2) Your partner makes the bed wrong: Or maybe it's the dishwasher that's loaded wrong, or washing the cars, or trimming the bushes. Whatever it is, unless you want to do all those chores by yourself, be thankful your mate willingly shares the load.

3) You hate the gift: Especially if it's some sort of a clothing item that's not your style. Instead of exchanging it like you want to, give it a try…wear it to work or to a function you're attending. You might be surprised at the compliments you receive and your mate will be pleased to see you using the gift. And keep in mind that if you complain it could be the end of the surprise gifts! :)

4) You can't stand your mate's mother/best friend/favorite sweatshirt: Tread lightly, especially if it's a new relationship. If you issue an ultimatum, you might find that you are the one left out in the cold all by yourself.

5) How often you get hit on: Telling your loved one about every incident where someone has tried to hit on you will only make him or her jealous and could lead to low self-esteem. As long as you're not returning the advances, keep it to yourself. Again, there's no purpose in boosting your ego at your mate's expense.

6) Your clothes are uncomfortable: He gives her his jacket because she's cold, but now he's cold. She's wearing new high heels and her feet hurt. The collar of his dress shirt is starched too heavily and it's rubbing against his neck. Don't ruin the evening by complaining about being uncomfortable. Sometimes it's best to suffer in silence.

7) The details of your romantic history: You can go through a rundown of exes, but keep those sordid details to yourself.

8) You're bored: There are times when you will be dragged to your mate's favorite activity, find yourself watching TV shows you don't like, or going to movies that aren't your taste. But you do it—you suffer in silence—because you love your mate. If the relationship is healthy, your mate will return the favor and suffer in silence while doing something you enjoy. And who knows, you might both find a new activity that you can enjoy together.

9) I told you so: You can think those words all day, but resist the urge to say them out loud. There will be a situation where you are wrong and you don't want your mate throwing it in your face.

10) You're thinking about sex: Chances are, so is your mate. Stop thinking about it and make the first move!

Do any of you have secrets you think are better kept to yourself rather than bringing them out into the open?


Summer vacation time is almost here. My blogs the next few weeks will deal with vacation and travel topics. Come back and check out the weird tours that will make you scratch your head, how to figure out if a tour is right for you, the quirky questions tourists ask, great American train trips, and the obstacles incurred when flying.