Sunday, October 17, 2010

Haunted Houses Are Now Big Business



I remember when I was a child in West Los Angeles. We had a very large garage and one year my mother and father fixed it up like a haunted house for my Halloween party. They set up a winding, twisty route through the garage that led my friends through a maze of all kinds of scary things. It was a lot of fun and totally different from anything anyone else in the neighborhood did for Halloween. Of course, back in those days, scary things were not the same type of bloody gruesome attractions that are the main features at today's professional Halloween attractions.

Halloween attractions have moved far beyond the innocent neighborhood scare as a fun thing for the trick-or-treaters. Today they are big business. Operators of the large attractions spend most of the year coming up with new and better scary ideas and then implementing them. They take pleasure in dreaming up even more diabolical ways of giving us nightmares.

And guess what – a group of these scary attraction operators even have an organization of their own. Eighteen of the most famous haunted house attractions in the nation have formed America Haunts and count among their members Erebus, Netherworld, The Beast, The ScareHouse, and Edge of Hell. They even hold a national convention every summer in Pittsburgh. The haunted houses that belong to America Haunts are as diverse as the men and women who operate them.

Some, like Erebus, offer high tech features such as moving walls that push people into bottomless pits. They use pneumatics and programmable logic controllers to trigger various events. Erebus is seeking to reclaim its Guinness World Record for the largest haunted house with 2,450 linear feet (the equivalent of over seven football fields) of horror. With competition from seventy haunted house attractions within a fifty mile radius of their southeast Michigan location, they are constantly improving the attraction with innovative new features.

The ScareHouse is three horrifying haunted houses in one. In Rampage, the theme is steampunk meets George Orwell's 1984 meets Pink Floyd. Delirium 3D requires that you wear 3D glasses to go inside the conglomeration of bright colors, neon, European rave music and cybergothic aesthetic. Forsaken is the most traditional haunted house of the three.

But what's the oldest and largest Halloween haunt? Knott's Berry Farm theme park located in Orange County, just south of Los Angeles. Or as it's known this time of year, Knott's Scary Farm.

The Aslyam, one of the Haunt areas of Knott's Scary Farm
This month is the park's 38th annual Halloween Haunt. Knott's hosts the world's first and longest running Halloween theme park event, and the largest event in the amusement park industry. They make it clear that the event is not recommended for children under thirteen years of age. Horror and terror runs rampant through the park every night during October.

But what about real haunted houses? A Denver attraction, The 13th Floor, is housed in a former vocational school. The building has been studied by paranormal investigators who believe it to be truly haunted.

Do any of you have a genuine haunted house in your area?

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Most Haunted Cities In America


With the approach of Halloween, it's natural for thoughts to turn to ghosts, goblins, and things that go bump in the night. I decided to dedicate all my weekly blogs (for the four applicable Sundays remaining in October) to the holiday of spooky things starting with America's most haunted cities.

Most every city in the country can boast of at least one ghost or place of paranormal happening.  There are several lists of the most haunted cities in the United States, most of them basically naming the same cities in varying order. Here's one list that recently came to my attention.

10) Portland, Oregon: Portland has a reputation for being the most haunted city in the Pacific Northwest. It's a city of many haunts, both seasonal tourist attractions and historical happenings where the participants refuse to leave. One of the most famous…or more accurately, infamous…historical haunts are the Shanghai Tunnels. We've all heard the slang expression of someone being Shanghaied, meaning abducted. This is where it originated. In the Victorian era (around the 1870s), ship captains would put into Portland on the Columbia River looking for fresh crew members. Local 'middlemen' would drug pub goers, dropped the bodies through trapdoors into the tunnels below where they were held until they could be carted to the waterfront and sold to the captain for $50/each. These ships were quite often headed for China, thus the term being Shanghaied. Many of these drugged unfortunates died while being held in the tunnels. Today, the Shanghai Tunnels have several ghosts, some menacing and others apparently confused.

9) San Francisco, California: A city of many haunted locations and happenings. One of the most interesting is Alcatraz. The island was a military prison during the Civil War. It was used off and on by many different groups to house various prisoners from that time until 1933 when it was officially turned over to the Federal Bureau of Prisons and used as a maximum security prison for the likes of Al Capone and Machine Gun Kelly. On March 23, 1963, Alcatraz closed its prison doors for good. Over the one hundred plus years that the island housed prisoners of all types, many died in cruel and terrible ways. Those spirits still inhabit Alcatraz. Even today as part of the National Park system, tourists taking one of the park ranger guided tours report seeing and hearing strange things that can't be explained.

8) Chicago, Illinois: Chicago was the center of gangland activity during Prohibition, including the St. Valentine's Day Massacre. Many gangsters of the era used Chicago as a body dumping ground. There were also six thousand Confederate soldiers and sailors buried during the Civil War at Oak Woods Cemetery which has ongoing paranormal activity. Chicago's most famous ghost is Resurrection Mary named for Resurrection Cemetery. She was killed by a hit and run driver on the street in front of the cemetery and now is often seen hitch hiking along that street.

7) Charleston, South Carolina: The downtown area known as The Battery was a protective artillery installation during the Civil War. The area is known for its ghost stories. The Battery Carriage House Inn is the city's famous haunted hotel where visitors often see strange happenings. The inn's two most famous ghosts are the gentleman ghost and the headless torso. The gentleman ghost is thought to be a young man whose family owned the house in the early 1900s and, for no known reason, jumped off the roof and killed himself. The headless torso is believed to be military from the Civil War. There is no evidence that he intends any harm, but guests have felt threatened when he has suddenly materialized in their room.

6) St. Augustine, Florida: The nation's oldest city and the first permanently occupied European settlement. Castillo de San Marcos is a star-shaped fort and is considered to be one of the most haunted places in a city filled with unexplained phenomenon. The construction of The Old Fort began in 1672 and took twenty-three years to build. Many strange sightings, including a Spanish soldier, have been reported. It is not uncommon for individuals to capture on film strange lights, orbs, rods, spheres, and even distinct apparitions composed of strange mists.

5) San Antonio, Texas: The home of the Alamo is regarded as the most haunted city in Texas. Prior to the Battle of the Alamo, the ground was a cemetery between 1724 and 1793. It's estimated that about one thousand people were buried during those years. On the morning of March 6, 1836, following the thirteen day Battle of the Alamo, one thousand six hundred Mexican shoulders lay dead along with the approximately one hundred forty-five defenders of the old mission. The remaining buildings at the Alamo as well as the surrounding area is one of the most haunted places in the nation. Tales of ghostly sightings have been reported for almost two centuries.

4) New Orleans, Louisiana: With a history of voodoo and slavery in its past, it's no wonder that New Orleans is considered a very haunted city. Its most famous ghost is voodoo priestess Marie Laveau who was buried at St. Louis Cemetery #1, considered one of the most haunted cemeteries in the country. New Orleans is well below sea level, so the dead are buried in above ground tombs or vaults resembling small architectural buildings. Located on the edge of the haunted French Quarter, this oldest still in service cemetery has been the setting for many Haunted New Orleans movies such as Easy Rider, Interview With The Vampire, and Johnny Handsome. But its biggest draw is the tomb of Marie Laveau.

3) Salem, Massachusetts: This site of the infamous Salem Witch Trials in the late 1600s certainly makes the list of haunted cities. Gallows Hill is believed to be haunted by the spirits of the nineteen women accused of being witches who were hanged there. It also shouldn't be surprising that Salem has one of the largest Halloween celebrations in the country for people of all ages.

2) Gettysburg, Pennsylvania: The Civil War battle at Gettysburg resulted is fifty-one thousand casualties. It is believed that nearly all forty miles of the Gettysburg battlefields have paranormal activity. Many of the ghosts show up in photos, including the ghost of Robert E. Lee. In July 1863, Gettysburg's living population was out numbered twenty to one by the dead.

1) Savannah, Georgia: Savannah was named "America's Most Haunted City" in 2002 by the American Institute of Parapsychology. The city was home to a Revolutionary War battleground and also the site of the Civil War capture of General Sherman. Savannah offers several different haunted tours and is also famous as the location of the bestselling book Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil.

Have any of you ever had any first hand experience with hauntings?

Sunday, October 3, 2010

The New Fall Television Season


Now that the new fall television season has premiered (at least most of the shows), what do you think? Hits and misses? Used to watch every week but not any more? Always meant to give it a try but never got around to it?

Two new broadcast network shows I'm trying out are both remakes on old shows from many, many years ago—The Defenders and Hawaii 5-0, both on CBS.

The Defenders originally debuted in 1961 (in black and white, before the days of color television!). It was a father-son lawyer team who always wore suits and ties and defended the wrongly accused and righteous causes. It starred E.G. Marshal as the father and Robert Reed (The Brady Bunch dad) as the son. Contrast that to the remake of The Defenders. The 2010 version is not a father-son lawyer team. It's set in Las Vegas which automatically says flashy and outrageous situations. I've only seen one episode so far, but it appears that ethical conduct and doing things by the book is not an essential part of their business day. :)

The original Hawaii 5-0 debuted in 1968 and was actually filmed in Hawaii which was most unusual for a television series of that era. Back in those days television shows were shot entirely in studio and on the the back lot with generic establishing shots and the occasional scene being shot on the streets of Los Angeles close to the studio. And like The Defenders, the characters wore suits. There they were, doing cop stuff and chasing down the bad guys in white shirts, suits, and ties. The specific changes with Hawaii 5-0 circa 2010 definitely bring the show into today's world. I am pleased to see that they kept the original theme music and same style of main title opening.

McGarrett is still the former Navy Lt. Commander who heads the elite 5-0 team and reports directly to the governor (who, in the pilot, was a woman). However his key team members were not recruited from the Honolulu Police Department. Danny was Honolulu PD, but had just transferred six months earlier from New Jersey so he could be close to his five year old daughter. Chin Ho used to be Honolulu PD until he got involved in a scandal (wrongfully accused type thing) and is now on the outs with them. And Kono…well, Kono is now a woman who happens to be Chin Ho's cousin and a brand new graduate of the police academy. Suits and ties? Only Danny wears a tie and it isn't exactly neat and tidy—shirt unbuttoned at the neck with shirt tail barely tucked in, tie loosened, sleeves rolled up. McGarrett? The basic jeans and T-shirt wardrobe. They also explained Danno as a nickname for Danny, at least the explanation that fits the 2010 version.

And then there's a new series from the long running and highly successful Law & Order franchise…Law & Order/Los Angeles. I watched the debut episode. It was okay, but I wasn't wowed by it. I read that USA cable renewed Law & Order/Criminal Intent for another season and they're bringing back Vincent De Onofrio as his Robert Goren character to replace Jeff Goldblum who departed the series. I like that, always thought Goren was an interesting character. In fact, I think I find that more interesting than Law & Order/Los Angeles. :)

CSI/New York (CBS) has a new detective forensics person, a woman from Virginia who replaces the departed Stella. She seems like a good character.  I've only seen one episode and she did not leave me with a negative impression, but I don't really have any opinion about her yet.

And, of course, The Mentalist, NCIS (have you noticed how much weight McGee lost over the summer?), and NCIS/Los Angeles are all back. I like the character NCIS/Los Angeles added at the end of last season, Deeks, the police detective who is their liaison with the Los Angeles police department.

And there's the new season of Bones (Fox) and Castle (ABC). Seems to be lots of speculation about whether Booth and Brennan will finally get together and same for Castle and Beckett. Hmmm…let's think about that. Moonlighting—as soon as David and Maddie got together and it was goodbye series. And Remington Steele—as soon as Remington and Laura got together it was goodbye series. Once that sexual tension and the what if is resolved, the spark in the series (as in continuing episodes week after week) usually dies as does the series. For the start of this season, the guys seem to have found other love interests for the time being even though we know those relationships won't last. Booth has the woman (a journalist?) he met during his summer training duty in Afghanistan and over the summer Castle got back together with his second wife for a fling.

And a sad note…one of the little bits of business that Castle used was to give their main character, best selling mystery writer Richard Castle, some real life best selling mystery writers as his poker buddies with them making occasional cameo appearances. James Patterson, Michael Connelly, and Stephen J. Cannell. Unfortunately, Stephen J. Cannell passed away a couple of days ago, on Sept. 30, 2010. A prolific creater, producer, and writer of television shows before turning his hand to writing novels. 

And The Mentalist? Simon Baker is such a cutie!

Criminal Minds…JJ departed. I heard Criminal Minds is going to have a spin off Criminal Minds (Los Angeles?) and the Penelope Garcia character will be a recurring character on the new one in addition to staying where she is. She's a great character, really like her.

CSI Miami moved to a new night with the season premiere tonight (Sunday, Oct 3). I kind of lost interest in CSI Miami when they started messing with the characters. Wolf is a good guy this week, he's a jerk next week, back and forth. And then we didn't know who Delco was any more.

And about to wind up its first season is another show I really like, The Glades on A&E cable. There's another cutie, Matt Passmore.

Lots of Aussies starring in American television series…The Glades, The Mentalist, and Hawaii 5-0. Maybe a third attempt at an American television series with Hawaii 5-0 will be a charm for Alex O'Loughlin after short runs with both Moonlight (he was definitely a sexy vampire) and Three Rivers.

Looking forward to the (November or December ?) start of the new season for White Collar and also Psyche on USA cable.

How about you? Any new shows you're into or returning ones that are favorites?

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Fifty Years After Emily Post


Fifty years ago this week, etiquette expert Emily Post died. In a recent Vanity Fair poll of 18 – 44 year-olds, forty percent of those queried had no idea who Emily Post was or why she was famous.

Society has changed quite a bit in the fifty years since her death. So, how relevant are Emily Post's etiquette rules to modern life in today's fast paced society of five second sound bites, social media, and instant global communication?

Some of the topics she covered in her 1922 book, Etiquette in Society, in Business, in Politics, and at Home, seem totally irrelevant today. Subjects such as one of my favorites—how to keep your fan, gloves, and napkin on your lap at fancy dinner parties. That skill has always been a stumbling block for me at the many fancy dinner parties I routinely attend. :) Some of her other advice, however, is still relevant today.

Fashion: For men she recommended suits for everywhere and all occasions except what she referred to as "the country." When on a country outing, breeches and polished leather riding boots were acceptable. Her thoughts on female style are more relevant. She said most women were fashion sheep, that they should take trends and personalize them.

Conversational Skills: After you dismiss all the complicated stuff about when to doff a hat or curtsy, a lot of her advice is still common sense today. Things such as—will what you have to say be interesting to those around you, don't repeat yourself, let other people talk, and don't pretend to know more than you do.

At a Live Performance: Her book has lots of advice about things like how to dress and whether it's acceptable for a woman to attend with a man who is not her husband. Bear in mind that she was referring to the theater, opera, or the symphony. Her two biggest rules are one hundred percent relevant today—shut up and be on time!

Introductions: She apparently loved all the formalities of meeting new people, presenting calling cards, and how to properly address each other. In today's society it's very common for people to know each other even without having been properly introduced face-to-face. We're friends on Facebook, I saw your video on YouTube, I read your tweet. I imagine that would have thrown Emily into quite a tizzy. :)

Mustn't: Emily Post had lots of mustn'ts. Here are a couple of examples. "A lady mustn't carry a bundle of anything on the streets, but if she has to, a man must carry it for her." "If a man doesn't enjoy the conversation a lady has offered, a woman mustn't be offended, but rather keep fishing for topics he might find agreeable." This sort of reminds me of that magazine article from the mid 1950s about how to be a good wife. Definitely advice to make today's woman cringe. :)

Houses: Her advice in this area seems the most outdated and indicates that her advice was apparently a luxury for the wealthy. She advised that a house must have servants on hand to collect a visitor's things when they visit.

It's easy to make fun of etiquette rules published eighty-eight years ago, but Emily Post's most basic rule is as necessary today as it was back then. "Never do anything that is unpleasant to others."

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Weird and Wacky Laws


My mother is now at a rehab hospital for her broken hip. I'm still spending a lot of time running between my house, my mother' house, and the rehab facility.  So, as I did last week, I'm reposting one of my blogs from about a year ago.  My life should be back into a "normal" mode by next Sunday so that I can post a new blog.  But until then, here's another trip down memory lane.  :)
***
There is no question that many weird and wacky laws exist out there. You can only scratch your head and wonder what the various state legislatures were thinking about when they actually took the time to pass these strange ideas into law. And to take it a step farther, you can only wonder how some of these antiquated laws could possibly be enforced...and why they weren't repealed a long time ago. It would be interesting to know what the penalty would be if convicted of breaking some of these laws.

Here are ten such laws that caught my attention (and tickled my funny bone).

In TEXAS, an anti-crime law requires criminals to give their victims notice—oral or written—twenty-four hours in advance of the crime they're planning to commit and the nature of that crime.

In WAYNESBORO, VIRGINIA, it was once illegal for a woman to drive a car up Main Street unless her husband walked in front of the car waving a red flag.

In the state of WASHINGTON, it is mandatory for a motorist with criminal intentions to stop at the city limits and telephone the local chief of police before entering the town.

In IOWA, one-armed piano players who perform must do it for free.

In ALABAMA, it's illegal to wear a funny fake mustache to church.

In NEW HAMPSHIRE, you may not tap your feet, nod your head or in any way keep time with the music played in a tavern, restaurant or café.

In CHICAGO, ILLINOIS, it is forbidden to fish while sitting on a giraffe's neck.

In FARGO, NORTH DAKOTA, a person can be jailed for wearing a hat while dancing or wearing a hat to an event where dancing is taking place.

In MINNESOTA, no one is allowed to cross the line into the state with a duck on his/her head.

In DENVER, COLORADO, next door neighbors may not lend each other vacuum cleaners.

And here's a bonus offering that truly boggles the mind:

In MICHIGAN, beavers can be fined up to $10,000 per day for building unlicensed dams, according to a letter the state once sent certain beavers in Grand Rapids. This actually happened! After complaints about flooding on neighboring property, the state sent a letter to the land owner ordering him to remove unauthorized wood debris dams. The reply sent by the landowner was widely circulated around the internet as he pointed out that the "wood debris dams" belonged to beavers and he was not responsible for it. Eventually the matter was dropped and it seems unlikely that this would actually happen again. :)

Do any of you have weird laws in your state or country that have long ago outlived their original purpose but are still on the books?

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Secondary Characters And How To Use Them



I've had a hectic week.  On Labor Day (Monday, September 6), my mother fell and broke her hip.  At that time she was preparing for knee replacement surgery.  Left hip and right knee, which compounded her recovery.  I feel as if I've been spending all my time either at the hospital or in my car going to and from.  They moved her to a rehab facility yesterday, but no prognosis on how long she'll be there.  So, to make a long story short [I know, I'm too late on that count :) ], this week's blog is one I originally posted a little over a year and a half ago as a guest blogger elsewhere.  For those who may recognize it, I hope you enjoy it a second time.  For those who don't recognize it, I hope you enjoy it for the first time. :)

Here's the repost of my blog about secondary characters:

While trying to decide on a topic for today's blog, I was torn between a writing type topic or something of a more general nature. The decision came to me while watching a couple of movies last night. One of them was Murder On The Orient Express with its all star cast where almost everyone in the movie was a major character. It occurred to me that there were very few characters other than the many primary ones. So I started thinking about secondary characters and how they can be used to prod, shove and push the main characters into and along the necessary path for the story line.

So, let's talk a bit about secondary characters.

When I say secondary characters, I'm not referring to the minor characters that decorate a scene and maybe have a couple of lines of dialogue. I'm talking about the characters who have a prominent place in your story but are not your main characters. These are the characters you can use to maneuver your main characters into and along the path toward achieving the story goal. They are a key factor in moving your story along and determining what direction it takes.

In developing these characters you need to decide what you want them to accomplish and how you want them to relate to and interact with your main characters in addition to each other in order to move your story line along to its conclusion. Let's take a look at how a set of secondary characters can be used to move a story line in a specific direction. Remember, it's not who they are, it's what they do and how they relate to the main characters and how the main characters respond to them.

Example: You have a story about a teenager who is the leader of a gang. He has been stealing cars for some mobsters. You have two ways you can go with your main character of the teenage gang leader, in other words, two directions your story line can take and you must choose one of them.

1) He wants to leave the gang and make something of his life

2) He runs his gang with a iron hand and threatens anyone who wants out.

With the first scenario, your choice of secondary characters who will influence the story line can be his girl friend, his little brother, and one of his teachers. That tells you who they are, but doesn't tell you how they move the story. His girl friend fears for his safety and finally gives him the ultimatum of leave the gang or she's leaving him. His little brother idolizes him and wants to be just like him, but he doesn't want his little brother to make the same mistakes he did. His teacher is mentoring him by helping him with his studies and finding him an after school job.

With the second scenario, your choice of secondary characters can be his girl friend, a rival gang leader, and his contact with the mobsters who pay him for the stolen cars. Again, that tells you who they are but not what they do to move the story in a specific direction. His girl friend demands more and more in the way of material things so he needs the money from stealing cars to keep her happy. The rival gang leader is trying to take over his stolen car business so he needs to watch his back to protect his own interests. The mobster gives him access to the easy money he needs to keep his girl friend happy and the promise of being able to move into their organization and advance in the criminal world.

Each scenario has the same secondary character of the girl friend, but her function is different in the two scenarios so that the character helps move the two story lines in different directions.

One of the great things about secondary characters is that you can make them as outrageous, unconventional and over-the-top as you want. You don't have the same parameters and cautions with secondary characters as you do with your main characters. The primary thing you need to be careful with is not making them more interesting than your main characters so that they don't steal the show and shove your main characters into the background.

So, I'd like to hear from you. Any comments about developing and using secondary characters in your writing? Or any television shows, movies, or books where the secondary characters stood out in your mind with the way they were able to guide the story line?

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Those Lusty Gods Of Mythology And Their Sexy Pursuits


Whether Deity or Demon, the supernatural entities of the ancient world had one thing in common. More often than not, they used their magical skills for the pursuit of sex…lots of it.

In today's world, someone with the powers attributed to the gods and monsters of ancient mythology might use those abilities to banish ignorance, intolerance, and hate to make the world a better place for everyone. But in the ancient world, the rulers of mythology used their special powers for a far more down-to-earth human type pursuit—that of participating in hot sex as often as possible.

Here are six such immortals from the ancient world who seem to be in a perpetual state of heat, always chasing after the pleasures derived from seducing mortals.

6) Zeus: The ancient Greeks didn't have reality television, but they did have the exploits of Zeus, king of the gods, to keep them entertained. Zeus wasn't at all picky. He engaged in sex with goddesses, nymphs and mortals and did whatever it took to get what he wanted. Kinky, freaky, voracious. It all described his sexual appetite. On one occasion he even took on the physical appearance of the husband of a human woman named Alcmene and they had a son named Heracles (Hercules in Roman mythology). But even the king of the gods ended up in trouble on the home front. High up on Mt. Olympus, his wife, Hera, was a woman of earth-shattering powers and didn't hesitate to use them.

5) The Incubus/Succubus: Today wet dreams are easily explained. In medieval times, however, they were believed to be the result of demonic forces. Folklore from centuries ago says there was a demonic creature whose sole purpose was to have sex with people during their sleep. The incubus put a spell on a woman to make her compliant then proceeded to have his way with her. The succubus was the female version of this demon who seduced men in their sleep. Sex with an incubus or succubus was considered dangerous for the mortal, but not always lethal. A one time only encounter said the mortal would most likely survive. But continued encounters with the same mortal were definitely bad for the mortal's health.

4) Odin: King of the Norse gods, Odin only had one eye. He traded the other one for infinite wisdom. And what knowledge did this infinite wisdom impart to him? That hot sex was a lot of fun. One time he found himself really turned on by a female giant named Jord. He refused to allow the fact that his non-giant manhood was dwarfed by her giant body to stand in his way. He figured out a physical means for them to have sex. Nine months later Thor was born.

3) Krishna: The Hindu god Krishna wasn't only about hot sex and good times. When his good-for-nothing uncle, Kamsa, crossed that hypothetical line in the sand one too many times, Krishna put him six feet under the sand without giving it a second thought. Krishna loved to get freaky with the ladies. He had a flute and when he played it women would flock to him.

2) Pan: The Greek god, Pan, had a goat-like appearance. He would have fit in perfectly with one of today's college frat houses—he was all about partying. He liked to drink and was cursed (or blessed, depending on how you look at it) with an intense sex drive. He often ran around with his bare erection visible for all to see. Like Krishna, he used his magic flute to draw in the ladies. He seduced Selene, the moon goddess, and convinced her that having sex with him was a great idea.

1) The Meek-Moos-Ak: The Native American tribe known as the Abenaki believed in these short twin creatures called the Meek-moos-ak. They ran around drunk, killing hunters and having sex with women. Their legend said that once a woman had sex with them, she was cursed to never desire marriage.

So, the moral of this story is that should you find yourself covered in a strange substance and it gives you the power to shape-shift or play a mean flute, use it for sex. Everyone else did.