New Year's resolutions have basically become an annual
joke. Every January 1 we make resolutions
for the upcoming year and if we're lucky, they remain valid for the rest of the
month.
So, this year how about making some resolutions you'll
actually be able to keep during 2014?
Here's a list of several such resolutions. I hope you accept these suggestions in the
spirit of humor in which they are offered.
If I've offended anyone, I apologize in advance.
1. Gain Weight. Let's face it, you already have a start on
this one with all the holiday meals, candy, beverages, and snacks.
2. Go Deeper Into
Debt. You probably have a head start on
this one, too, from holiday gift shopping.
After all, even buying new things for yourself…well, it was probably
stuff you needed and with all the great sales this year who could resist?
3. Spend More Money. This goes hand-in-hand with the second item
on the list. Spend it now while you're
still physically able to get out to do it.
4. Don't Get A Better
Job. Since having any job is better than
not having one, be happy with status quo.
5. Whatever Shape
You're In Is Fine. Seriously…round is a
perfectly acceptable shape.
6. Don't Go Back To
School. Look at your current life and
time schedule. Now add a part time
college schedule to that plus the cost of tuition (probably the same amount as
that new 80-inch HDTV home theater with Dolby Surround Sound you bought in item
two on the list) and the cost of expensive college textbooks. Hmmm…a fine bottle of rare vintage wine or a
bottle of aged single malt scotch vs. Concepts
of Economics Vol. 1.
7. Drink More
Alcohol. Open that fine bottle of wine
or scotch and watch your new 80-inch HDTV.
8. Smoke Like A
Chimney. When someone chastises you for
putting second hand smoke out there, ask them if they've traded in their
gas-guzzling car for a bicycle.
9. Stay At Home for
your vacation. If, however, you prefer
to find toilet paper that's hard enough to scrape paint, really weird
television, and even weirder food…then travel out of the country.
And last but not least…
10. Don't Volunteer!
And now for something completely different (with apologies
to Monty Python for stealing…uh, I mean borrowing…their
catch phrase).
As a follow up to Christmas, a few words about that much
maligned holiday treat, the butt of so many jokes, that humble yet seemingly
inedible concoction—fruitcake.
It was in the 18th century that fruitcake
achieved totemic status. At that time
nut-harvesting farmers encased fruits and nuts in a cake-like substance to save
for the next harvest as a sort of good luck charm.
And thus the problem.
Any cake that is not meant to be eaten doesn't deserve to be classified
as food.
Our love/hate relationship with fruitcake began in the early
20th century when the first mail-order fruitcakes became fashionable
gifts. It ended up as a mass-produced
product using barely recognizable fruits and packed into cans as heavy as
barbell weights.
And another something different…
While celebrating the arrival of the New Year, there's one
thing you should keep in mind—the darker the liquor, the bigger the
hangover. According to a new study that
compares the after effects of drinking bourbon vs. vodka, what sounds like an
old wives' tale is true…to a point.
Brownish colored spirits such as whiskey and rum contain
greater amounts of congeners than clear liquors such as vodka and gin. And what are congeners, you might ask? They are substances that occur naturally or
are added to alcohol during the production and aging process, many of which are
toxic. They contribute to the alcohol's
color, odor, and taste. They also
interfere with cell function, and I'm NOT talking about your mobile phone. :) And they viciously punish your head and tummy
the next morning. According to the
study, bourbon is aged in oak barrels and has thirty-seven times as many
congeners as vodka, which is heavily filtered to remove impurities.
Drinking in the study was relatively moderate compared to
some New Year's Eve binges. The average
blood-alcohol content of the survey participants was 0.1 percent, somewhere
between 0.09 ("mildly intoxicated" and considered legally over the
limit in most states), and 0.15 ("visibly drunk" and definitely on
your way to jail). The study's findings
may not translate to your holiday party.
The bottom line, however, is that congeners are not the
primary culprit in the dreaded hangover.
The credit goes to the alcohol itself
Wishing everyone a happy AND SAFE New Year's Eve and a
marvelous New Year. May 2014 bring you
happiness and health.
AND PEACE ON EARTH FOR EVERYONE
