Paraprosdokians…Huh?

You may be asking yourself just what is a paraprosdokian. Valid question. And the answer is—"Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation." An example would be: Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

A friend recently sent me an email with a list of paraprosdokians that I'd like to share with you. I hope you enjoy them.

1) The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

2) Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

3) If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

4) We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

5) Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

6) Evening news is where they begin with "Good Evening," and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

7) I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

8) Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, "In case of emergency, notify:" I put DOCTOR.

9) I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

10) Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they're sexy.

11) Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

12) A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

13) You do not need a parachute to sky dive. You only need a parachute if you want to sky dive again.

14) I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

15) To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

16) Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

17) Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

18) Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish that's where they were.

19) I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a lime wedge, and a shot of tequila.

And finally something for writers to think about.

20) To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

Sexy Men Of The Zodiac

Why are we drawn to one man over another? Could it have anything to do with his astrological sign? What are the seductive qualities of each man of the Zodiac? I recently read an article exploring this concept. What is so appealing about the men of the various signs?

Aries (March 21 – April 19)
The Aries Ram is youthful, no matter what his age is. He is ruled by action-oriented Mars. His passion for life is legendary. He often tends to live on the edge which can be exciting, but dangerous. He's not known for his discretion or fidelity in his youth, however later is life he learns to settle down.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
The Taurus Bull has an earthy charm and a confidence that makes him sexy, even if he's not classically handsome. He's fun and flirtatious, but when it comes to commitment he moves slowly. He's likely to stay single until someone really special comes along, but when that happens he'll take his time and wait until that special woman comes around.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
The Gemini Twin has a twinkle in his eye and a wiggle of his cute ass. He's a real delight with his quick repartee and sexy comebacks. Nobody speaks the language of seduction better. His Twin aspect shows he has a strong feminine as well as masculine side which says he understands the way both sexes think, something that melts your defenses.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
The Cancer Crab is a sweetheart who'll win you over with his sexy smile and unassuming manner. He'll do just about anything for those he loves. Whether he's protecting you or relaxing in your warm embrace, he's a family man through and through who's definitely in it for the long haul.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)
The Leo Lion is a natural showman and has a sexy, devil-may-care wit. Like his ruler, the Sun, he radiates manly confidence despite his insecurities and won't back down from a fight. In essence, he's a hero and his strength is his most appealing quality. Even the quieter Leo has a thrilling sense of masculinity about him.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
The Virgo man is intelligent and thoughtful. He remembers your birthday and your favorite perfume. Being ruled by lightning-quick Mercury has his mind going a mile a minute. He tends to be overly analytical and sometimes critical. And just when he's about to drive you crazy with his fussiness, he'll give you a sexy, sheepish grin and melt your heart. His intelligence is his sexiest quality.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)
The Libra man understands and adores his lovers which is a very attractive quality. He's ruled by Venus, the planet of love, and knows how to treat a woman. Candlelight dinners and romantic walks on the beach appeal to him, but he's also the thinking person's turn-on. With his quick mind and way with words, he's always up for a discussion about relationships or culture, and is a champion of fidelity and civil rights.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
The Scorpio man has a quiet intensity that will reel you in. With smoldering eyes and a sultry voice, they guy can literally mesmerize you which is why Scorpios make good magicians and hypnotists. His sexual magnetism comes from deep inside and its power formidable. He's not a good match for the woman who wants to stay on the surface of things.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
The Sagittarius Archer's attraction is the call of the wild in his soul and that far-off look in his eye. "Don't fence me in" is his motto. Like his signature animal the horse, he responds to gentle caresses and soothing words. There are some who might find him too hard to pin down.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
The Capricorn Goat has it together, or at least projects the image of being in control. He's ruled by the ambitious Saturn and is a master of the material world and has a seductive attractiveness that goes with that kind of worldly power. He always aims for the top. You can't keep this guy down for long.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
The Aquarius man doesn't fit the mold. He's a true free spirit who follows his own drummer. He's the type who is usually ahead of his time whose quirkiness is part of his genius. As ruled by the inventive Uranus, he'll dazzle you with utopian ideas and turn you on to worlds you never knew existed. He'll keep you guessing and take you to the edge sexually however emotionally he tends to be reticent and doesn't like to talk about feelings.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
The sensitive and caring Pisces Fish fills you with tingly feelings as he swims straight into your heart. Pisces loves to touch and be touched and often communicates best non-verbally. Sex and spirit are one in the same to the guy which makes your lovemaking ecstatic.

The Phenomenon of Speed Dating

What Is It

Speed dating has been around for a little over ten years. It's a dating system whose purpose is to allow singles to meet as many other singles one-on-one as possible in a short specified amount of time. Its origins have been credited to a Rabbi who devised it as a way to help Jewish singles meet prospective mates. It has since shown up as a plot device in several movies and television shows.

The first speed dating event took place at Pete's Café in Beverly Hills in late 1998. By the year 2000, speed dating had become very popular. Supporters of the phenomenon claim it saves time since most people quickly decide if they are romantically compatible and first impressions are often permanent.

How It Works

Organizers of these events usually require advance registration with the total number of participants limited to a specific number. Small events have twenty to thirty participants while others are very large such as the recent one in New Jersey with three hundred and fifty participants. Needless to say, there is usually a registration fee which covers the cost of putting on the event and a profit for the organizers.

Each participant is assigned an identification of some sort, usually a number. They are not allowed to exchange personal information such as names, phone numbers, email addresses, etc., during the "dating" process of the event.

Men and women rotate so that they each has the opportunity to meet the other in a series of short dates that last a set amount of time, usually somewhere between three and eight minutes each depending on the rules set down by the organizer. This could be something as simple as small tables with the women sitting on one side and the men on the other side opposite. At the end of each time period, a signal is given and the participants move on to the next date which might be achieved by the men getting up and moving to the next table to begin his date with a different woman. This continues until each man has had a date with each woman.

At the end of the event, the participants each submit a list to the organizers showing which of their dates they are interested in seeing again. The organizers then compare all the lists and when a match occurs, they forward the personal information to each of them and they are on their own at that point.

Events can have a theme or specific requirements of the participants. Older men and younger women or older women and younger men with age ranges pre-determined. Gays. Lesbians. Ethnic groups. Religious affiliation. Maybe groups that share an interest in a certain hobby.

Proponents of speed dating claim it's time efficient and the structure of the event eliminates the need of trying to figure out how to introduce yourself or create a situation where you can start a conversation with someone. Participants can come alone without feeling awkward or out of place.

A 2005 study at the University of Pennsylvania found that most people made their decision to accept or reject within the first three seconds of meeting and issues such as religion, previous marriages, and smoking habits weren't as important as expected.

A 2006 study in Edinburgh, Scotland, found that conversation about travel resulted in more matches than conversation about films.

Various studies of speed dating events came to the general conclusion that women were more selective than men. The above mentioned University of Pennsylvania study reported that the average man was chosen by 34% of the women and the average woman was chosen by 49% of the men.

Several television shows have used speed dating as an episode plot point—usually a prelude to murder. The murder victim had just participated in a speed dating event which provides a bunch of suspects with whom the victim had no previous connection thus making solving the crime more difficult. Especially when the speed dating ended up having nothing to do with the crime. :)

Now, with all this said about speed dating being a relatively new phenonemon…

Many years ago (many, many, many years ago) when I was a freshman in college and pledging a sorority, the same process now referred to as speed dating was the method used by one of the sororities for the members to meet and interview the prospective pledges. Each member had five minutes with each potential pledge then the member moved on to the next candidate for membership.

I have to admit that it all had a very "assembly line" feel, but was definitely a more efficient use of time than a room full of people standing around not knowing who to talk to or what to do.

Vampires And Other Immortals Part 2 of 2

Immortal Living Organism

Meet Turritopsis nutriculaas, a form of jellyfish that is the world's only known immortal creature.

Before we talk about fictional immortals, here's a bit of information about the above photograph. Scientists have recognized Turritopsis nutriculaas as the only known animal that is capable of rejuvenating itself, thus sustaining life over and over again—being immortal.

Jellyfish usually die after propagating, but according to the London Times Turritopsis reverts to a sexually immature stage after reaching adulthood and is capable of rejuvenating itself. It is the only known animal capable of reverting to its juvenile polyp state. In theory, this cycle can repeat indefinitely, making it potentially immortal.

The creature is only 4-5mm in diameter and is found in warm tropical waters but is believed to be spreading across the world as ships discharge their ballast water in ports.

And now on to the other type of immortal—the characters in our myths, literature and movies/television. I recently came across a list of the top ten immortal characters as compiled by LiveScience. This is a cross-section sampling from various forms of storytelling.

10. Peter Pan: The famous boy who never grows up (or grows old) and prefers to live on the magical isle of Never Land.

9. Dracula: If you're desperate to live forever, you could try getting bitten by Dracula or any of the other well-known vampires. Of course, you'd have to give up Italian food which is loaded with garlic and getting a nice suntan would be out of the question.

8. Lazarus Long: A character in many of Robert Heinlein's science fiction novels. Lazarus lives to be over 2,000 years old, travels to distant planets, and travels through time.

7. Nicolas Flamel: J.K. Rowling based Flamel's character (good friend to Hogwart's headmaster) on a real-life French 15th Century alchemist who legend claims successfully created the Philosopher's Stone, a mythical elixir that turns lead into gold and grants eternal life.

6. Tithonus: When Greek goddess Eos asks Zeus to grand her mortal lover, Tithonus, eternal life, she forgets to also ask for eternal youth. Tithonus lives forever, but he grows old and frail, and begs for death.

5. Dorian Gray: Oscar Wilde created this character who remains young and handsome while his portrait ages. He becomes corrupt, but his crimes and true age show only in the face of the painting which grows progressively more monstrous and withered.

4. Highlander: In the 1986 movie, Connor MacLeod is a member of the immortals, a mysterious race who die only when they are beheaded. The immortals must battle each other until only one is left to claim The Prize: the gift of immortality.

3. Grail Knight: A knight of the First Crusade. In Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade he is given the task of guarding the Holy Grail, a crucible that grants eternal life to any who drink from it.

2. Methuselah: He's the oldest person whose age is mentioned in the Old Testament of the Bible, becoming a father at the age of 187 and living to be 969 years old.

1. Arwen: A half-elven maiden in Tolkien's Lord of the Rings who renounces eternal life to marry her mortal sweetheart. She lives to be 2,901 years old.

Do you have a favorite immortal character among the many?