It goes without saying
that you'll want to avoid untrustworthy people. While you'd think it would be
easy to spot a dishonest character, that's simply not the case. It's often near-impossible
to tell whether that new colleague or romantic interest is a compulsive liar at
heart. Thankfully, there are some tell-tale personality traits that will help
you.
20) They try a little
too hard to charm you:
As the old saying goes, "Flattery
will get you anywhere." And perhaps that's why untrustworthy people often
try to get into your good graces with a little sweet talk. When someone is
overly complimentary, it's not always because that person is nice. It's
probably because they want you to see them in as a good guy.
Keeping an eye out for
over-flatterers isn't just helpful in everyday work situations. Lawmakers say
flattery is often used by potential perpetrators in interviews. Excessive
fawning is a sign that one lacks authenticity and sincerity. What these people
say shouldn't necessarily be taken at face value.
9) They dominate the
conversation:
Have you ever been at a
party where one person dominates the room with their stories? You shouldn't
necessarily believe what they say—those tales might be made up. According to
psychologists, controlling the room could be a signal of Machiavellianism and
an indication that this person isn't entirely trustworthy.
In 2011, an article in
Scientific American said Machiavellians "are pragmatic liars who aren't
fearful or anxious." And this is why at parties "they tend to
dominate, but they also seem relaxed, talented and confident." Because of
this, it can be hard to ignore their lies. Their charms can be
"hypnotic." as body language reader Patti Wood explained to Bustle in
2020.
18) Buzzwords are
their mother tongue:
"Solutionize.
Ideation. Enterprise Thinking." These are the kinds of words you often
hear managers say, phrases that sound big and fancy but mean nothing. To those
in the business world, buzzwords tend to be an annoying part of the daily
grind. But to those in the know, they're a signal of so much more.
A former FBI operative
associates the tendency to use buzzwords with dishonesty. Writing for CNBC in
2020, the expert argued that these phrases are used "to substitute
quantity for quality" and are helpful in diverting from the truth.
Buzzwords are also a great tool for incompetent leaders, as they hide the fact
that the speaker doesn't have anything to say.
17) They love bonding over
mutual dislikes:
Everyone loves a little
gossip. Who can deny that dishing dirt with a confidant about someone you don't
like isn't a little fun? What makes gossiping so rewarding, though, is the fact
that by doing so, you're establishing a rapport with someone else. And these
are the sort of connections that dishonest people love to seek out.
Untrustworthy people will
use gossip as a way to establish a connection with you. They imply that you're
better than those other people, otherwise they wouldn't be confiding their
disapproval. They give you opportunities to jump in with your own disapproval
for those people as if it's a healthy form of bonding.
16) They move quickly
in their relationships:
When a new partner shows
signs they want to commit, it's thought of as a good thing, right? While
they're asking to meet your parents, planning a weekend away, or even
suggesting you move in together, you'll probably be thinking you've found the
one. Sadly, the truth is usually a little more complex…
In reality, a partner may
only be moving so fast because they know doing so lowers your defenses. Often
people who are likely to harm others will sweep in quickly and forcefully and
try to foster a false sense of trust. If things are moving at a lightning pace,
don't be afraid to apply the brakes.
15) They don’t take
criticism well:
Most of us can be
sensitive to criticism, it's hard not to be. If you've invested your time and
effort into a project, it can be a little demoralizing when someone picks it
apart. While criticism for many of us is a necessary part of personal growth,
it's a completely different story for dishonest people.
Sensitivity to criticism
is one of the most common traits of untrustworthy individuals. And it can be
dangerous as people who become defensive feel if they deny something, it ceases
to exist. Dishonest people tend to derive their sense of worth from positive
feedback, making it easy for them to block out negative opinions.
14) They become
aggressive when challenged:
Should you ever succeed
in calling a liar out on their lies, don't expect them to take it in their
stride. Unlike ordinary folk, untrustworthy people tend to become angered when
confronted with their dishonesty. Untrustworthy people pout. They act
aggressive. They change the subject. They distort the accusation.
In these cases, it often
feels like you've done something wrong. But don't be fooled: this behavior is
merely a front to cover up the fact that they've been caught. When a liar
becomes hostile or defensive, he is attempting to turn the tables on you.
13) They always,
definitely, unequivocally speak in absolutes:
"You never finish
your work on time." "You're always late." "You don't care
about me at all." Statements phrased as strongly as these are very
effective in convincing you that the accuser has a point. And because of this,
strident words such as always and never are a gift for untrustworthy people who
want to present their lies as truth.
Problems may arise later
if these exaggerations aren't corrected. When absolutes go unchallenged, they
have a tendency to become seen as truth. In contrast, words such as usually or
often express doubt and soften the absolutes. They can be a good indicator that
the speaker can be trusted.
12) They have a new
set of friends every week:
While a lot of us find it
difficult to make new friends, untrustworthy people don't seem to have this
problem. For them, finding folks to hang out with is no trouble, and they often
appear to have a wide circle of acquaintances. The thing is, though, keeping
relationships alive when you're a liar is tough. So their amiability is more
out of necessity than choice.
If dishonest people keep
losing friends, how come they're always able to make new friends? It all comes
down to them projecting an image of themselves as someone with whom you'd want
to be friends. Dishonest people are often quite charming and good storytellers.
11) They love a robust
debate:
One thing that
untrustworthy people love to do is engage in debates—not civilized and rational
debates. They prefer one-sided wars of words focusing on attacks of character
as opposed to ideas. For this reason, engaging a dishonest person in a debate
can be dangerous because they have no interest in an honest discussion."
Untrustworthy people resort
to underhanded tactics such as insinuation and playing on fears when arguing.
And these days these dubious techniques are everywhere. Once upon a time you
couldn't get a passing grade in English if you communicated like that.
10) What they're saying
vs. how they're saying it:
Throughout your life, you
may have found that body language conveys just as much meaning as spoken words.
When someone is frowning while speaking, for example, that's probably a good
indicator that they have something negative to share. Liars, on the other hand,
may be more inclined to smile when delivering a supposedly unhappy story.
In general, dishonest
people will convey one emotion through their speech and another with their
bodies. Such disconnect is a tell-tale sign of dishonesty. It's easy to lie
with words, but our bodies know and show the truth," he wrote.
9) Their facial
expressions seem off:
A dishonest person may
find it easy to lie to you, but lying to themselves is a different matter
entirely. Untrustworthy individuals often exhibit unique mannerisms that show
just how awkward they really find the act of lying. Learning to hone in on
these clues is a good way to separate the truth from fiction.
An FBI agent identified a
series of behaviors that can indicate an individual's true nature. These could
be a fake smile, a head that's rolled back just a little bit, and staring eyes.
When you see these signs, it's wise to give them special attention about why
they feel uncomfortable.
8) They deflect blame
while apologizing:
Apologizing when you're
in the wrong is a vital part of maintaining a healthy relationship. And yet
saying sorry isn't always as easy—it involves owning up to your mistakes and
acknowledging your own fallibility. Perhaps this is why dishonest people—who
are often blind to their imperfections—find this task especially difficult.
Admittedly, untrustworthy
people can say they're sorry. But they usually use it as a prefix for an
accusation that reframes the recipient as the real villain. This happens out of
fear, particularly in fear's common disguises of arrogance, perfectionism, or
some other form of superiority. If you find yourself on the receiving end of
this kind of apology, quit while you're ahead.
7) They like to sour
your opinion on others:
Thanks to their
superficially charming natures, dishonest people are often very good at forming
bonds with others. But it's not enough for these untrustworthy individuals to
count you as a friend. Sometimes, they will purposefully try to drive a wedge
between you and your other acquaintances—just for the sake of it.
One way in which
untrustworthy people may tear down bonds between friends is through hearsay.
And according to specialists, manipulation and gossip are perfect tools for
liars to pit people against each other. After the dust has settled on these
arguments, the dishonest individual may also find themselves in a situation
that's better for them.
6) Their body language
is closed-off:
No matter how good
somebody is at lying, the act itself will usually leave that person
uncomfortable. The discomfort comes from the fact that lying makes them feel
exposed, vulnerable, and open to attack.
Someone who's lying to
you will shield the most exposed sections of their body such as their head, neck,
or abdomen as a defensive measure. But what's more telling than these gestures
is a full or partial covering of the mouth. As Bradberry stated, a covered
mouth quite literally represents a closing off of communication.
5) Their movements and
emotions are hard to predict:
Certain people seem to
change on a daily basis. One moment, they won't leave you alone; the next, they
won't even respond to your texts. If you have a friend who's this
unpredictable, it could be a signal of untrustworthiness. Behaviors that are
either aggressive or erratic are signs that someone hasn't yet figured out who
they are.
Small changes in emotions
can be a giveaway, too. For example, does this person experience mood swings?
Can they switch between opposing emotional states in an instant? Someone who
exhibits these behaviors is likely prone to narcissism and the habit of saying
or doing anything to emerge on top.
4)They never work on a
relationship:
It goes without saying
that relationships are hard. And in order to maintain a healthy one, couples
must work together to understand each other's changing needs. Sadly, not all
parties are interested in putting in the work, which leads to a situation where
one partner is shouldering all of the responsibilities.
In many cases, a simple
conversation can restore the balance. But partners who are dishonest,
unreliable, or controlling may exhibit what is referred to as a
demand-withdrawal. These individuals are more likely to withdraw from the
conversation and discussion rather than confront the issue.
3) They project all
their insecurities onto you:
As Sigmund Freud said,
psychological projection is a common condition recognized within
psychoanalysis. Essentially a form of self-defense, this behavior is used as a
way for certain people to avoid dealing with their own bad habits while
simultaneously calling out somebody else. It's a technique commonly used by the
dishonest in society.
People who are
untrustworthy have a consistent habit of accusing others of behaviors that they
are exhibiting or contemplating themselves. So, if somebody you know is
accusing you of something you've never done, don't take it to heart. They're
probably just trying to divert attention away from their own shortcomings.
2) They can't keep
secrets:
If someone who can't be
trusted enters your life, then you should under no condition tell them anything
that you don't want anybody else to know. But how can you tell if someone new
can keep a secret without actually giving them a secret to spill?
One way to identify an
untrustworthy person is to see how well they keep their own confidential
information under wraps. Did that person unload all of their emotional baggage
onto you when you met them? If yes, then it's a sign they lack control over
themselves and are probably unlikely to keep their mouths shut.
1) They show little to
no empathy:
We've talked about the
habits and peculiarities of untrustworthy people. But one thing we haven't
mentioned is why dishonest people lie in the first place. For many psychologists,
it all boils down to empathy—something many of us take for granted but that
untrustworthy people are fully or partially lacking. And this deficiency allows
them to ignore the pain their lies cause.
Assuming everyone has
empathy is partly why we let people like this into our lives in the first
place. Our natural empathy makes it difficult for us to imagine someone without
it. So many people get into relationships with pathological liars because
they're trying to fit these people into the ordinary standards of what it means
to be empathetic.
