The
summer vacation season is almost upon us (at least here in the Northern
Hemisphere). So, for this week and next week my blogs will deal with travel.
At one
time or another when we were in school, we've probably all heard a teacher say
that there are no stupid questions in an attempt to get us to express our
curiosity about something without being embarrassed because we don't already
know the answer.
However,
as an adult that old adage doesn't necessarily apply to all situations. The travel industry is filled with weird,
quirky, and in some cases just plain stupid questions asked by tourists. Here's a sampling of some from various
sources.
Actual Questions Asked On Cruise
Ships:
Does the
crew sleep on board?
Is the
island surrounded by water?
What
happens to the ice sculptures after they melt?
What
time is the 2 o'clock tour?
Can you
see the equator from the deck?
I know
that ships often serve smoked salmon, but I am a non-smoker.
Can the
iced tea be served hot?
Will I
get wet if I go snorkeling?
Does the
outside cabin mean it's outside the ship?
Where is
the good shopping in Antarctica?
And cruise ships aren't the only
place that tourists seem to have absurd questions. Here are some actual questions received by
Australians from foreigners, along with some well-deserved replies given to the
questioner.
Q: Does it ever get windy in
Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (question
from the UK)
A:
We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them
die.
Q:
Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (question from USA)
A:
Depends on how much you've been drinking.
Q:
I want to walk from Perth to Sydney—can I follow the railroad tracks?
(question from Sweden)
A:
Sure, it's only 3000 miles, take lots of water.
Q:
Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list
of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (question from the UK)
A:
What did your last slave die of?
Q:
Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?
(question from USA)
A:
A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is the big island in the middle
of the Pacific which does not…oh forget it.
Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night at Kings Cross. Come naked.
Q:
Which direction is north in Australia? (question from USA)
A:
Face south and then turn 180 degrees.
Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q:
Can I wear high heels in Australia? (question from the UK)
A:
You're a British politician, right?
Q:
Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round?
(question from Germany)
A:
No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
Q:
Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is
smaller than the male population? (question from Italy)
A:
Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q:
Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (question from France)
A:
Only at Christmas.
The Daily Telegraph
in the United Kingdom put together an international list "of the most
inexplicably simple queries fielded by tourism officials."
Are there
any lakes in the Lake District?
Why on
earth did they build Windsor Castle on the flight path for Heathrow?
Is Wales
closed during the winter?
Why did
they build so many ruined castles and abbeys in England?
Do you
know of any undiscovered ruins?
And here are some tourist
questions asked at Niagara Falls:
What
time do the falls shut off?
How far
into Canada do I have to go before we have to drive on the other side of the
road?
How much
does it cost to get into Canada and are children a different price?
And here are some goodies from
Minnesota:
I'm
coming in July and I want snowmobile rental information.
We want
to tour the Edmund Fitzgerald. (the ship sank in a storm in Lake Superior in
1975)
One
traveler asked to see the bridge in Minnesota with the arches. She was shown various photos, none of which
were the bridge she was looking for. She
finally identified a picture of the St. Louis Gateway Arch as the bridge she
wanted to see. She was given directions
to Missouri.
And finally…these tidbits.
One
tourist to Scotland asked what time they fed the Loch Ness Monster. Another visitor to New York City thought they
would end up in Holland if they drove through the Holland Tunnel. A traveler in Miami asked a tourism official
which beach was closest to the ocean.
So…I
guess the bottom line is to maybe think about that question a second time
before you actually ask it. :)