These were sent to me in a email from a friend. As she said, they are funnier when you're older and have one foot on that banana peel.
10) Life is sexually transmitted.
9) Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
8) Men have two emotions: hungry and horny. If you see him without an erection…make him a sandwich.
7) Give someone a fish and you feed that person for a day. Teach someone to use the internet and that person won't bother you for weeks.
6) Some people are like a Slinky…not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.
5) Health nuts are going to feel stupid some day, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
4) All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
3) Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200 and a substantial tax cut saves you $30?
2) In the 1960s people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
And the number 1 thought:
Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers—what you do today might burn your ass tomorrow.
And as someone recently said: "Don't worry about old age. It doesn't last long."