Sunday, August 28, 2011


You may be asking yourself just what is a paraprosdokian. Valid question. And the answer is—"Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation." An example would be: Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

A friend recently sent me an email with a list of paraprosdokians that I'd like to share with you. I hope you enjoy them.

1) The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

2) Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

3) If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

4) We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

5) Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

6) Evening news is where they begin with "Good Evening," and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

7) I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

8) Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, "In case of emergency, notify:" I put DOCTOR.

9) I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

10) Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they're sexy.

11) Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

12) A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

13) You do not need a parachute to sky dive. You only need a parachute if you want to sky dive again.

14) I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

15) To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

16) Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

17) Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

18) Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish that's where they were.

19) I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a lime wedge, and a shot of tequila.

And finally something for writers to think about.

20) To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.


Harlie Reader said...

Those are great. Thanks for sharing.

Harlie Reader said...

Sorry, still shaking my head...LOL!!!

Samantha Gentry said...

Harlie: I had the same reaction when I first read them. :)

Anonymous said...

LOL! Loved these!! Is this one:

Walk a mile in someone's shoes. Then run like crazy when they give chase to get their shoes back.

THANKS for the smile!

hugs, Kari Thomas,

Samantha Gentry said...

Kari: LOL...sounds like one to me.

Nancy Jardine said...

Totally love them all. 2 and 9 are great but 13 is the absolute best and why I will never skydive...except if I get the huge hunk that my daughter had to hang onto when she skydived in Lake Taupo, NZ...he made my heart plummet just watching her video of the dive.

Samantha Gentry said...

Nancy: I think the second one should be considered a reality of life rather than humorous. :)

Skydiving...yep having a huge hunk to hold onto would definitely be a prerequisite if I were to skydive. :)

Thanks for commenting.

Joanna Aislinn said...

Fun stuff, Samantha. Going to retweet this one. As per that huge hunk and skydiving, I'm not so sure. I might have done a double-seat parasail w/hubby on my honeymoon--I might think twice now. Hmmm...but maybe a really cute tennis player???

Mackenzie Crowne said...

Thanks for the laugh. I'll definitely be using a few of these. I see 1, 3, and 9 in my future.