Sunday, May 1, 2011
7 Signs You're In A Manipulative Relationship
I was looking through some of my old/rejected proposals and came across one that grabbed my attention. The heroine's backstory had her involved in a relationship where her ex-fiancé manipulated and controlled her without her realizing it at the time. And that, of course, made her go overboard on being totally independent and not needing anyone in her life which presented a major roadblock to any future relationship with the hero.
While thinking about whether or not to revive the shelved project, I came across an article that listed seven signs that indicate someone might be in a manipulative relationship that certainly tied into my partially completed synopsis from years gone by. Coincidence or the universe talking to me? :)
My blog topics have been in a lighter vein for the most part, but this time I decided on this more serious topic.
According to Dr. Mary Casey, author of How To Deal With Master Manipulators, "Manipulators aim to control their partners by pressing the buttons that get them emotional, whether it be making them feel afraid, unworthy, stupid, insecure, angry or frustrated."
Manipulators are usually passive-aggressive in their dealings which differentiates them from domestic abusers who use violence. If you're sad more often than happy in your relationship and feel that something is wrong but you can't figure out what, that could point to a manipulative relationship.
1) You're always falling short of your partners expectations.
In an argument, the person being manipulated is often made to feel that they are at fault all the time. What's happening is that the manipulator is shifting blame to them in subtle ways by saying things like, "So we're going to have the big interrogation are we?" Or perhaps, "Are you going to get all emotional again?"
2) You often feel guilty in your relationship and are always looking to repair the 'damage.'
This is a skill used by manipulators who says things like, "You have trust issues—why don't you trust me?"
3) You don't often know where you stand with your partner.
A manipulator often uses threats, both concealed and open, to keep a partner anxious and holding onto the relationship. It could be something like, "I don't even know why I'm here anymore. This isn't working for me."
4) You often feel like you're walking on eggshells around him or her.
Sometimes you're given lots of love and affection then at other times you're given the cold shoulder for no apparent reason.
5) You feel confused in the relationship and keep questioning or blaming yourself for making your partner angry or frustrated.
Manipulators excel at never being to blame for any problem in a relationship.
6) You're unhappy in your relationship at least 90 percent of the time.
Bottom line—if this is the case, then it's time to reevaluate why you're with that person, whether your partner is a manipulator or not.
7) You're anxious (as in anxiety rather than excited) about telling your partner your plans or about something you bought.
If this is the case, there's a good chance you're being manipulated or controlled.
If a few (or several) of these statements define the relationship of someone you know, that person is most likely involved with a manipulator and a manipulator is unlikely to change. That person is better off getting out of the relationship immediately and not allow herself to be coerced back into it with promises of changed behavior patterns.